Lewis Capaldi says the How I’m Feeling documentary made him realise Tourette’s and anxiety were having a huge impact on his life.
The Netflix hit, directed by Joe Pearlman, went behind the scenes to chart the making of Capaldi’s second album. However, the film has been praised for offering a more intimate and un-polished view of Capaldi’s life – showing both success and struggles.
Reflecting on how he felt the first time he watched it back, the ‘Before You Go’ singer said it made him realise that both his Tourette’s and anxiety were “taking over” his life. “I didn’t realise how much my anxiety and Tourette’s was taking over my life until I watched [Pearlman’s footage] back,” he told The Independent.
Adding: “When I saw the first draft, it was so depressing, I was surprised I didn’t die at the end! I mean, there’s always the sequel.”
“When I have a panic attack, it feels like I’m going insane, completely disconnected from reality,” he tells the camera in the documentary. “I can’t breathe. I can’t feel my breath going in. I get dizzy. I feel like there’s something happening to my head. I’m sweating.”
Adding: “My whole body starts to do what my shoulder does. Like pure convulsing. The big thing for me with it is, I’m always going to feel like this now, this is me. F***. This is it. Either I feel like I’m going to be stuck like that for ever, or I’m going to die.”
The Scottish singer revealed back in September 2022 that he had been diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome. At the time Capadli said he wanted to make it public “because I didn’t want people to think I was taking cocaine or something”.
He has since explained that making music and performing makes his symptoms worse. “It’s only making music that does this to me, otherwise I can be fine for months at a time, so it’s a weird situation,” he told The Times in a recent interview. “Right now, the trade-off is worth it, but if it gets to a point where I’m doing irreparable damage to myself, I’ll quit.”